IPL 2014

We draw great inspiration from the things we see around us, and nothing has inspired me more since the last 2 days than the hoopla surrounding the IPL 4 player auction. Already ahead of the NBA in terms of market valuation, one can only wonder how these big corporates (and a few film actors well past their heydays) can turn a common man into an overnight millionaire. Gambhir ji must be over the moon, his son just became the most valued cricketer in the world in one shot (not counting endorsement deals, but even then it would be very close). Pathan & sons are among the wealthiest families in Gujarat at the moment, with both brothers being bid for a cumulative figure of $ 4 million.

It made me think, and think hard! What if Indian parliamentary system becomes a competitive Indian politics league, with MPs being bid for by these corporates. Let's see what might happen in a hypothetical scenario:

"Hello ladies and gentleman, I would like to welcome you the the first ever, brazen and transparent election process in the history of India, the MP auction for the IPL. Let the bidding begin"!

"First up on the block is Manmohan Singh. A wise economist, (but a weak) prime minister, adept at complying with the worst scenarios at the command of the higher authority."

Ambanis have bid $ 3 million for him. They think he'll get them out of their numerous legal tangles and open up the retail sector for them. Preity Zinta steps in. She believes he can rekindle her failing career and sign a deal with Time Warner to set up studios in India. $ 4 million! Wait, the Saharas want a share of the pie. Only he can save them from the wrath of Mayawati (should have thought harder before considering Amar Singh's friend request). Sold for $ 5 million!

"Next up is Lal Krishna Advani. A dreamer who is well past his prime, and is no longer fit for the role of team captain that he covets."

Silence all around! Shilpa Shetty bids $ 100,000. At least he'll watch her movies and praise her work, just like he did Khelen hum jee jan say. Sold!

"Next up is Rahul Gandhi. An obedient son and a charming politician. The perfect momma's boy. Will display sparks of massive talent in between period of continuous defeats."

A commotion ensues. Everybody wants Rahul Gandhi. Alas, we forgot to mention. Sonia Gandhi is the league commissioner. CSk step in and Dhoni lures Rahul away with promises of late-night bike rides and invitations to John Abraham's private bash with Bipasha Basu. Sold for an undisclosed fee!

"Next up is Varun Gandhi. Quite the opposite of his brother, though he does have a full head of hair and more authority in his voice than a squeaking little girl."

KKR want him. SRK plans to study Varun for his next movie- My name is Gandhi. Sold for $ 2 million.

"What do we have here. Somebody threw a chit with Jagan Reddy's name on it. Who wants to bid for him?"

DC are the first one to raise their hand. They are short on budget with low sales, and Jagan can finance the whole team by himself. Sold for $ 1 million.

"Next up is Shivraj Patil. Apt at doing nothing apart from changing clothes rapidly in situations of national emergency."

What do we have here? Teams offering to buy him for their rivals. Well, as they say, if you can't find a weakness in your opponent, put some of it in there. Sold to Kochi for $ 2 million. Tharoor tweets:"Gr8 going Kochi. Will now display cattle class cricket as well"

"Next up is A. Raja. Wait we have an urgent phone call".........."Ladies and gentleman, Raja has offered to buy the entire league for any amount quoted by you!"

SOLD!

PS: Do post if any more names spring to your mind!