The Mahatma would be delighted

Gandhiji would be in splits watching the state of our country from a parallel universe right now (according to LOST, of course). Come on, what have we not done to make him proud? As he rests, 63 years after he was shot dead by a fanatic this very day, nursing those point-blank bullet shots (perhaps he would have had a better chance of survival today, given how Rep. Giffords survived her perilous outing in Tucson), Gandhiji would be checking his list of tasks he envisioned for our country.

Let's see, we are so strong now, all because of our non-violence. I mean we didn't even launch an offensive at Pakistan after the role of its bona fide citizens in the 26/11 attacks has been proven beyond doubt. That's how you pay homage to the father of the nation! And yeah, China is playing Godfather again, replacing the old guard in the region. We have done what Gandhiji would have done. We are 'in discussions' with China. We are begging for its mercy and compassion, in other words. What is the need of advanced weaponry in a nation founded on the principles of non-violence? So we will happily continue with our fleet of ageing aircrafts and obsolete artillery. Of course, we will purchase weapons, but only when our leaders are well-paid for those deals. You might as well include the purchase of coffins in these transactions.

How about the social fabric of our nation? It is solid. Everybody is happy, with reservation at its peak to 'uplift' the down-trodden. Never mind that the poorest person in a far off village is still poor, and the social schemes are being siphoned off for the good of our bureaucrats and politicians. But on paper, we are happy and developing at an alarming pace.

Remember, Gandhiji politely presented his other chin after he was slapped in SA. Well, these days the slap has been upgraded to a bullet. But we are still following the lead of the mahatma. Glad that we have made your proud. Can you just check if Bose has reached there yet, or is he still lost somewhere between Japan and Varanasi, depending on whose version of the story you believe in.

The dream lives on!

Today, 26th of January, 2011, we celebrate the 61st anniversary of the wedding of our nation with its own sovereign constitution. On a personal note, I have always felt proud of our belief in the virtues of our freedom fighters and leaders, who paved the way for the creation of the Republic of India. I am also aware that most of us, including me, have grown to look upon it as a day of relaxation and leisure. Perhaps because we are far removed from the circumstances surrounding the events of India's struggle for freedom.

The Outlook is carrying a special Republic day edition with the cover story written by the acclaimed author Ramachandra Guha (worth a read). Guha argues that India was looked upon as an experiment which was bound to fail according to our British rulers. The reason- India was too large a geography to fall under a single umbrella law, or to be governed by an impartial government. Of course, we survived, and how? I will quickly lay out 3 recent incidents signifying the bewilderment which arises when one looks at the myriad of socio-economic problems surrounding our country.

1. An additional district collector, Yeshwant Sonawane, was ruthlessly burnt alive in Malegaon yesterday. He joins the list of Satyendra Dubey and S. Manjunath and other anonymous citizens, people who had to sacrifice their lives because they dared to question the prevailing ignominy of corruption!

2. The proposed flag hoisting ceremony by the BJP in the heart of Srinagar, Lal Chowk, has been forcefully abrogated. By whom? The state government and the GOI. under what pretense? We cannot ensure the security of the leaders of this march, and that it might inflame the already combustible atmosphere of Kashmir. Dear Dr. Singh, if the situation in Kashmir is so helpless that hoisting the national flag in the territory of India can inflame the feelings of the residents of Kashmir, perhaps it's time to rethink on how we look upon Kashmir in general? It is as ridiculous as saying that a person cannot drink in Gujarat because Mahatma Gandhi chanced to be born in the state.

3. How proud are we of our diversity? Very much so, right? Well, the general dismay on the faces of our side of the family at the short and rather unglamorous wedding rituals of Kerala, and the shock on the faces of the groom's side of the family, when relative after relative of mine kept on handing gifts and sweet to the groom before the bidai, told another story! It was fun to witness this as a neutral third party observer (I was neither pro-, nor against this wedding), but I am pretty sure that people from both families must have wondered how big and diverse our nation really is!

What can be the take-home lesson from these different incidents? Certainly, India is big, but nowhere close to the size of China or the US. We have corruption, but there are even more corrupt nations in the world, and that in spite of this corruption, India has boomeranged into the upper echelons of global economy. And people have different voices, different opinions, but every single voice should not be turned into the word of law. Strong policy, strong ethics and a stronger nation, all go hand in hand.

Jai hind!

An open safe!

I had visited a small town called 'Shani Shinganapur' around 5 years back. Though the trip was made as a result of its proximity to Shirdi and I personally had no interest in making another long road trip, what struck me about this otherwise nondescript town was the fact the none of the houses had doors! If that isn't shocking enough, none of the shops had doors either! And I am not talking about mere paan shops, jewelry shops had open counters for anybody to barge in at anytime in the day.

A local policeman informed me that the rather obdurate custom started hundreds of years ago, when the temple of the Shani dev located here came into prominence. Like any other mythical small town in India, this one has its own myth- All thefts in this town have brought grave hardships (and death in some cases) to the culprit. So conveniently, the residents did away with any form of protection of their properties. This is probably one place where no Indian policeman would like to be posted at!

I came back bewildered at what I had seen, and the memories of Shani Shinganapur stayed with me for quite some time. And all of it came running back to my mind after I just read a press report about UCO bank opening a 'lockless' branch in the town. Imagine, an open safe! Bank officials have reportedly went against the central governments norms, relying heavily on the prevalent system of faith in the ire of God Shani. However, if you think of it and from what I recollect of my conversations with the locals, the real reason behind the calm here is that there is an inherent bonhomie in this small town. The locals trust each other more than anything, and this mutual feeling of 'everybody here is a good man' is probably the reason for the continuation of this custom. Of course, religious faith is the central idea behind the ethos of this community, but what if one of the many high profile gangs of India decide to rob this bank now that it is going to be in the newspapers? Taking decisions on faith alone rather than rational thinking seems quite abrupt and unnatural in this century. Be prepared to hear about this in press or on TV in the coming days (based on the fact that half of our news channels have exclusive time slots dedicated to religious fervor). But it can turn out to be a wonderful thing if nothing untoward happens! Let's just hope that this experiment serves as an example to the billions of our country, and we take positive steps in the direction of brotherhood and faith in each other's integrity.

Theater fest: Rated PG-15

How often are you treated to a play centered around 'erectile dysfunction'? And how often does it not get carried away towards crude humor? Well, today's presentation, 'Rafta Rafta' by AK various productions, had all the good stuff and laughs in it. And what should be considered an event of immense pride for the Fourth wall, it was the first ever premier of a play at the IITB stage.

The crowd was less compared to day 1; maybe quite a few were still recharging their grey cells after the sub-par performance the other day. The introductory announcement of the play being unsuitable for audience members below 15 made quite a few families walk out of LT (there were also a few families who manned up and stayed for a hilarious encore). Written by Aakarsh Khurana, the plot revolved around an Indian immigrant family in the UK. The father, a simpleton from a village in Punjab, still has the punjabi in him alive after all these years of hobnobbing with the English. The son marries a muslim girl from a Pakistani immigrant family, and the chemistry between the two families is hilarious right from scene one, where the Punjabi wants to celebrate with drinks and dance, while the Pakistani father remains uptight about the whole affair. However, things take a turn for the worse when the husband is unable to satisfy his wife for 6 weeks after marriage, and the news leaks out to the bride's mother and from there to the whole mohalla. The element of erectile dysfunction was finely woven into the intricacies of a strained father-son relationship, while the girl has her own family issues with a cold marriage between her parents. There is a happy ending and as an audience, you can't help but smile at the cleverness of the writer.

Positives:

The script was tight and stayed focused on the marital issues of the newly wed boy and how is family is affected by the whole deal. The actors did a marvelous job, specially the actor who played the father (imagine your neighborhood Punjabi uncle with a fat belly and infectious laughter). The dialogues, full of intended puns and a fine mix of English and Punjabi were memorable. The team managed to do well with the limited capacity of the LT stage.

Negatives:

None really, but I could have personally enjoyed some more of the Punjabi music. Only the bar scene towards the climax seemed a bit forced on the script, but it didn't really divert the play's direction.

Memorable dialogues:

Quite a few actually. The crowd responded favorably to every single punch.

1. "Aunty, sharbat-e-ganga' dena?"

"Beta wo kya hai?"

"Are booze aunty, booze."

2. Aditya (the groom) checking out the new blackberry gifted to him by his wife-"Papa, this phone has been gifted by Tasneem."

Papa-"So what, today is your wedding night. You should do some bhangra. My father gifted me a buffalo on my wedding, but I didn't go on and milk it the entire night!"

3. Tasneem while discussing her husband's issue-"You need to relax. Things will otherwise get harder from here on, okay, maybe not in your case."

4. Mother-"Go, look at him, talk to your son about his problem. It would be awkward if I do it."

Father-"But I haven't seen Adi naked since he was 4!"

Mother-"I am asking you to talk to him, not to look at his problem directly."

5. Rather crude actually, but the crowd was roaring with laughter each time the father said this in the last scene-"Look at this Adi, he just barged in as if he going to do tatti in a kheth."

Overall, the play was pretty fun. The group is performing it again today (Jan 15) at Tata theater (NCPA). Worth checking out if you have nothing productive to do over the weekend.

Theater fest: Day 1

Theater fest is probably the most awaited event of the year for all connoisseurs of drama in the campus. I was initially excited to hear that this year the fest would run for 5 days, and that the Annual Productions had been clubbed along with it to give more visibility to the institute talent.

Ekjut's 'Tinku aur Gorky ke karnaame' was the play advertised for day one. Ekjut has had a long association with IITB in my five years at the campus, and I can still vividly remember the awesome performance given by Nadira Babbar last year. The playwright was Arya Babbar (Guru, Jail fame), and it was advertised as a madcap laughter riot, and the same was affirmed by the actor before the play began. The exact words were-"IIT students, please do not apply your brains or logic to this play. Just laugh your heart out and enjoy." I guess he should have also mentioned that you won't be able to use your brains after the play is over either!

Personally, I would categorise the play in the 'Golmaal' genre (not the Hrishida one, mind you), and predictably didn't find much appreciation with the IITian community except a select few who kept laughing till the end. The plot was rather naive and melodramatic, with 2 siamese twins who work as detectives going on a witch hunt to protect the love interest of the lead hero (I wish to add that these actors did roam around at unearthly hours in an isolated jungle). It all turns out to be the girl's mischief in the end, and I mean it when I say that there is nothing memorable about the remainder of the script.

Positives:
The actor who played 'Ramu kaka' was terrific. His narration of the myth of the mahal's chudail was hilarious, and the only actor who also convinced me that somebody could live to be 153 years old.
The use of song and dance in the play was good in most places, but it got excessive in the end.

Negatives:
Script, editing, loopholes of convenience

Memorable dialogue:
Chudail Madhumati-"Maine bahut aadmi dekhe, lekin tum kuch alag ho."
Champu Singh-"Haan ji, mere andar ek alag tarah ki kashish hai."

&
Chudail-"Main ek chudail, tum ek sardar, hamaari shaadi kaise ho sakti hai?"
CHampu Singh-"Yeh kya baat hui, agar tum Hindu, Musalman ya Isaai hoti, to kya main tumse shaadi nahi karta. yeh to casteism hai."

Let's hope the coming days offer better material in terms of storyline.


Ciao

IPL 2014

We draw great inspiration from the things we see around us, and nothing has inspired me more since the last 2 days than the hoopla surrounding the IPL 4 player auction. Already ahead of the NBA in terms of market valuation, one can only wonder how these big corporates (and a few film actors well past their heydays) can turn a common man into an overnight millionaire. Gambhir ji must be over the moon, his son just became the most valued cricketer in the world in one shot (not counting endorsement deals, but even then it would be very close). Pathan & sons are among the wealthiest families in Gujarat at the moment, with both brothers being bid for a cumulative figure of $ 4 million.

It made me think, and think hard! What if Indian parliamentary system becomes a competitive Indian politics league, with MPs being bid for by these corporates. Let's see what might happen in a hypothetical scenario:

"Hello ladies and gentleman, I would like to welcome you the the first ever, brazen and transparent election process in the history of India, the MP auction for the IPL. Let the bidding begin"!

"First up on the block is Manmohan Singh. A wise economist, (but a weak) prime minister, adept at complying with the worst scenarios at the command of the higher authority."

Ambanis have bid $ 3 million for him. They think he'll get them out of their numerous legal tangles and open up the retail sector for them. Preity Zinta steps in. She believes he can rekindle her failing career and sign a deal with Time Warner to set up studios in India. $ 4 million! Wait, the Saharas want a share of the pie. Only he can save them from the wrath of Mayawati (should have thought harder before considering Amar Singh's friend request). Sold for $ 5 million!

"Next up is Lal Krishna Advani. A dreamer who is well past his prime, and is no longer fit for the role of team captain that he covets."

Silence all around! Shilpa Shetty bids $ 100,000. At least he'll watch her movies and praise her work, just like he did Khelen hum jee jan say. Sold!

"Next up is Rahul Gandhi. An obedient son and a charming politician. The perfect momma's boy. Will display sparks of massive talent in between period of continuous defeats."

A commotion ensues. Everybody wants Rahul Gandhi. Alas, we forgot to mention. Sonia Gandhi is the league commissioner. CSk step in and Dhoni lures Rahul away with promises of late-night bike rides and invitations to John Abraham's private bash with Bipasha Basu. Sold for an undisclosed fee!

"Next up is Varun Gandhi. Quite the opposite of his brother, though he does have a full head of hair and more authority in his voice than a squeaking little girl."

KKR want him. SRK plans to study Varun for his next movie- My name is Gandhi. Sold for $ 2 million.

"What do we have here. Somebody threw a chit with Jagan Reddy's name on it. Who wants to bid for him?"

DC are the first one to raise their hand. They are short on budget with low sales, and Jagan can finance the whole team by himself. Sold for $ 1 million.

"Next up is Shivraj Patil. Apt at doing nothing apart from changing clothes rapidly in situations of national emergency."

What do we have here? Teams offering to buy him for their rivals. Well, as they say, if you can't find a weakness in your opponent, put some of it in there. Sold to Kochi for $ 2 million. Tharoor tweets:"Gr8 going Kochi. Will now display cattle class cricket as well"

"Next up is A. Raja. Wait we have an urgent phone call".........."Ladies and gentleman, Raja has offered to buy the entire league for any amount quoted by you!"

SOLD!

PS: Do post if any more names spring to your mind!

The road ahead

Hello,

It has been a while since I blogged. Mostly because it has been a busy time with last year shenanigans, and also because my department has not moved ahead with time. Today marks a special day, not because it is Techfest Day 2 or because I finally saw 'No one killed Jessica', but because I finally heard from a man I have disliked for a while now- Kapil Sibal. Before I get to that, let me just put the word out that the new swanky convention center makes you feel special as soon as you enter. Now if only they maintain it well and not let it rot like the new hostels!

Sibal gave a very good talk on how India needs to radically transform itself in the next quarter of a century in order to truly grow, and how education, knowledge and innovation are the basis of this change. Though Sibal was all over the news recently for questioning the charges of corruption being thrown on the telecom ministry and for pulling the CAG into the mud, his Harvard education shows in the way he can pinpoint his achievements and make you wonder at what could have been if this guy was put in charge of affairs much earlier.

It is very true, India needs to step up in terms of the number of children finishing school and moving on to higher education. The Right to Education act, 2009, (with all its pending expenditure woes) is a bold and definitive step in this direction, and deserves a mention even though nothing is on the ground yet. It is also true that we need to speed up our educational infrastructure development because as the number of students clamoring for a seat in higher educational institution grows, so should the number of institutes providing such education. Otherwise there is simply no point in making the 12th board exams optional and then making the poor hapless student slug it out for a seat in a college.

Perhaps the most important the GOI is taking (or at least plans to take in the near future) is investing in innovation at the institutes of national importance. Some sectors pointed out by Mr. Sibal, like healthcare and energy, require massive amount of human innovation capital, which surprisingly is available in surplus in our country. The industry needs to step up its participation in such efforts, but would they like to, given that most of our institutes still resort to red-tapism and the silos becomes too much to tackle for a budding entrepreneur? What is being taught is often miles away from what is required at the moment, and until the gap is nullified, I don't see why the industry would like to invest in research at IITs. Rather than promoting free-spirited innovation, we are bogged down by impressions on old minds and the so-called right school of thought. Of course, the students share some of the blame, but if some of the brightest minds in the country opt to choose banking over designing better products, the need to introspect lies elsewhere.